I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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