3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
and you fell through a lawn chair
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
