Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
