Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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