what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
