I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
