ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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