i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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