I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
