I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just gift wrapped bread.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
