she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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