Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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