The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
