Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
