Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
