and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
