Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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