the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
