Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want nice things and good sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
