alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
