don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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