Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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