so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
