and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
