I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is Oprah even human
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
