Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
