I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
