apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
