Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
