He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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