I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
