You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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