That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
