last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
