I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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