Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sex in a hospital.. check
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
