I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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