I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
