U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
