Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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