It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's get the cat blown out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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