I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
