is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The air was thick with penises
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
