She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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