Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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