i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
