Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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