Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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