Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
