he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
