the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
