Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
