We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
